I’ll Show You Mine if You Show Me Yours
What Does Your Depression Look Like?
I’ve heard depression described as a rain cloud that follows a person everywhere, a big black dog, a heavy backpack, a shadow, and more.
I visualize my depression as a tall, thin, demon-y thing- a cross between Gollum, Slenderman, and The Gentlemen. Maybe a SlenderGolluMen.
SlenderGolluMen oozes into my life, scoops up my insides, and steals my joy until I feel like I have no substance. Instead, I am just an empty skin suit. For me, depression manifests as anxiety, overthinking, and a feeling of hollowness. I spend hours dwelling on ways to ‘fix’ myself but cannot put a plan into action. Depression makes me believe that no one could love or even like me. It’s isolating, debilitating, and plain old scary.
After several severe depressive episodes in my past, I am better at recognizing when I am at risk of slipping into depression — like right now. I’ve been let go from a job I loved; my cat has a heart tumor and has very little time left; my mom has been in and out of the hospital the past few weeks, and the natural lack of daylight of this time of year has me primed for a major depressive episode…
